The phrase “Topicals for what ails you” is derived from the story of Parcival. In the story Parcival wanders “aimlessly” for many years after failing to ask the grail king “the question.” “The Question” is a mystery till you get to the end and find out that Parcival was supposed to ask the king “what ails” him. In the story the king was suffering and in pain and by asking him "the question" what ails you, he would have set him free from his suffering.
Thus, it is that these topicals are our way of asking you “what ails” you so that you might be set free from your suffering.